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[Feb. 24th, 2004|10:58 am] |
oh man now im fucking pissed..i typed a whole long entry and erased it with the click of a button.
well i will try to remember what i wrtoe down anyways.
i told yu i am not able to update this a lot so sorry about the fact that it has been a week and i have 2 entries. this whole being grounded thing is extremely shitty. i am off at the end of the week though-which is great because i get to hang out with mallory. and she makes me happy so at least i have something to look forward to. on saturday though i have sat. school from ditching school to monays ago.
now im going to try and remember as much as i can from the last time i wrote in here. ha..its not like it matters i have no friends on here yet. and i wont be getting any until saturday.
more happened than i expected really. i broke u with brady which was probably the biggest thing. i am kind of pissed at myself for saying yes in the first place but i was put on the spot and really had no other choice. i didnt even like him THAT much. so i am still dazed about the fact that i said yes. i felt bad about doing it because he is really a nice and great person, but he's a better friend for me. so i made a pact with myself and nless i like someone A LOT A LOT then it is a no. this way i will haveno regrets or guilt.
we still talk though, i call him and we talk when i get the chance, but at scool our friends are way too different so we dont exactly talk much. mine are annoying except for one. and his are either realy smart or really in need of attention.
last friday i cam home from school which was already a bad to to begin with, and tok a shower and got ready for bed. it was about 8 but i was really tired from reading. then 10 mins later my dad came in and told me to pack my shit becaus we are leaving soon. i couldnt tell whether he was mad or just in a hurry. i thought they might be sending me back to my aunts in hick-ville, which really scared me. when i say hick-ville, im not kidding. she has chickens, it smesslike piss, and not too far away there is a small lake with a dock where people feed ducks. i was so bored i watched the lord of the rings...worst movies i have ever seen. but they have liv tyler so thats a plus. but htis isnt important so im going to stop rambeling on. so i packed my things and got in the car, my mom didnt even say bye to me as i left. then my dad said " we are going to mexico"
we have a house near rosarita. it is nice but not my choice of fun. the only time i had fun was when me and chelsee rode horses on the beach and the quads basically the whole time. but then we crashed and i got my "cool" black eye. and now im scared to go on it.
well when we got there after a two hour drive i went pstairs and watched brokedown palace. great movie by the way. at the end the girl ends up lying to ge t her friend out of jail, and in return gets 30 more years on top of her already long sentence(i think thats the word for it) and i thought really hard about it, and even now i know i would never have done that for anyone i know. i guess that is mean but its the truth. then we left on saturday and i watched the rocky horror picture shoe all sunday and saturday night. that movie is sooo good. i memorized all of the songs, with "sweet transvestite" still bein gmy favorite. i kno wevery facial expression tim curry makes while singing htat song. well i have to go sorry for all of the mispellings. |
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| life is such a waste |
[Feb. 20th, 2004|01:18 pm] |
I have been wanting to start a LJ for along time now, but really never got to it.
Today is different though because i am at school, bored, and depressed. This morning started out okay, I was planning on staying home because i had not done any homework and i had a big histroy test which i could not fail since i already have a C in the class..and that's just unacceptable to m gay ass mom. Well it was doing okay until my mom decided to freak out and say what i aliar i am and how i ruin her life. i can't blame her for saying those things, since i am actually the only child she has had this much trouble with. She also tells me I am too smart for my own goo, and use my thoughts against everyone. Which really pissed me off considering i am actually a pretty nice person once you get to know me. As long if you're not loud and annoying, and try to get attention whenever you can. Than I am just fine with you.
It's weird how different my family really is. My dad is the mexican from TJ who really had no life until he cam here. He is the smartest person I know-even if he nly went to 6th grade. He doesnt hit us or yell to often, and his storie are amazing. One day after work I spent an hour in te car with him listening to him talk, and i responded with little comments, but i did not want to interrupt his flow so I kept pretty quiet. Then there is my mom who also had a piece of shit life...lived on her own since she was 16(which i would kill for by the way) and her dad was an alcoholic who beat them. So she was basically rasied without love-like my dad. Which is why i recieve no sympathy from either one of them. my brother is the perfect son in most ways. Although he does argue and his grades suck-he likes being with the family, and is great at every sport he does. He is only 15 , yet he can do pretty much as he pleases. He is a total dick to me and i guess i deal with it-but at times when it gets to much i fight with him. My sister is 20 and stil lives at home. I sware we are as different as day and night-which in this case is terrible. She is very whiny-self sympathetic- and talks and laughs louer than loud. As i stated before...I HATE LOUD PEOPLE. Well she has this boyfriend who is nice to me but a total ass and pansy to others. I am nice to him hough since he brings me pumpkin pie.
and then there's me.
I am one of the most complicated people i know. No one i know understands me- and i doubt they ever will. Not for awhile at least.
I am the kind of person who really studies people, and thinks way too much about everything. I can never just stay in a moment and enjoy it- I have t o think about everyone around me-and life in 30-20 years at the same time. My mom says I am the smartest person she has ever met-and the only one who can do whatever she wants with her life. I can judge people very easily which is a good thing and a bad thing. If there isnt much to them then whithin a week i can undrstand how they think. But over time i get sick of that and i move on. Which is bad because i really do need more friends. It's not that i am a loner- i just choose my friends carefully.
Right now my best friend is Mallory, and next year i only hope it gets better. We dont see eachother a lot, and now that we are grounded we barely will. She always makes me laugh, and is there when you need to talk to someone. She always knows when there is soemthing wrong with m- and asks about it. With most people i cant stand the attention, but from her it is like "the big sister i never had" type of thing. I mean i have one-but she is failing at her job. As am i in every role i take on in that fucked up family. She is a very good judge of character too-and i guess next year we will have a good time.
this was very long-i apologize to anyone for taling too much.
well now you know a little about me, and i will try to update on here whenever i can. until then i am rereading the perksof being a wallflower.
by the way- i need friends so if you like me add me please:-)
alicia |
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